The Wall

We had such a good time in church yesterday. I think this was one of the best times we ever had. Before the service started our pastor gave us an opportunity to write down the things we needed God to either change or bless us with in life like our financial situations, relationships, vehicles, house whatever it was on your heart that you need to tell God. Then we balled each item up individually and threw it at the Alter. You were officially leaving that problem to God to handle from that point on. Sometimes in life we build our own walls by constantly worrying and constantly trying to do things on our own. God does not want us to carry around our own burden. He wants us to give it to him for him to work it out for us. That is where we go wrong in life a lot of times. Always trying to do things on our own and messing it right up along the way. Yesterday, it was offical. No more talking or thinking about what is wrong in my life and trying to fix it on my own. I threw all of my needs at the alter for God to have because I know when he shows up it is going to be a mighty move because God has made some promises to me and just as long as I hold up my end of the bargain then it is all good. Until next time my people!!!

Time is Precious

Over the course of my life I have learned so many things. One important thing that I have learned is to appreciate time. My childhood best friend has been sick off and on since we were kids and the doctors have told her that she may not have long to live. Only God knows her destiny but I am not sad because she taught me that time is precious. It wasn’t until the last few months that this revelation has come full circle but you get the picture. Her boyfriend expressed to me a few months ago that he wanted to get married but was unsure if he was ready because he was not financially where he wanted to be. This morning he proposed. I had the pleasure of speaking to him about an hour or so after it happened and I asked why now. He simply said “Tomecca, I know that I want to be with her 20 years from now but with her illness I am unsure that I have 20 days left. I have taken so much of her precious time away from her through my own selfishness of not being ready all the while all she wanted from me is for me to love her and be with her and keep her safe.” He told me this morning he woke up and looked over at her and realized there was no place he would rather be and he knew she was “the one.” At that very moment, I realized that I may not have 2 weeks from now to tell someone that I love them or go on that fabulous vacation that I have always longed to go on. She has taught me to cherish every moment and treat it like it is my last. God has given me 31 precious years with her and I treasure each moment with her down to the Halloween we dressed up as hookers and actually stood outside on the corner in our neighborhood and passed out candy to the days we were living the carefree life thinking 30 years old was ancient and that we would be wrinkled by now. Little did we know. I really want to be selfish and ask God to let her stay with me but I know her body is weary and she is tired. Whether he lets her stay with me for 3 more days or 30 more years I am blessed that he allowed her to be a part of my life for as long as she has. They are getting married as soon as they can get the license and her father is going to marry them. I think that is the most precious thing in the world to look at someone and just know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. This has been a subject that I have kept to myself and it is hard for me to talk about so I just used writing as my outlet because I told her I would not cry… Little does she know in the beginning when I found out I cried daily BUT I am okay now because every morning when I wake up she sends me a text of nothing but a picture of her smile so I can not cry when every morning I wake up looking at teeth and lips. LOL!! Have a good day!!!

God Knows Me All Too Well

I have been meditating and praying on some things in my life and for some odd reason I have been waking up at around 4:30 every morning but it has allowed me to have some quiet time with God. Some much needed quiet time at that. I have been seeking him for a few months and he has sent me various bible verses all pertaining to the things I have been praying about but today was different. When I get up I always read my Daily Bible Verse and my email from Joel Osteen. Now Joel Osteens message seems like it was written just for me today. The message was from Isaiah 65:24 and then he went into detail by saying: Have you ever thought about something you wanted or needed, and suddenly that need was supplied even before you had time to stop and pray? God knows your needs before you even speak them. He wants to provide for you and answer the very desires of your heart. Don’t ever think God is too busy to answer you. Don’t ever think your needs are too small or that you don’t matter. The truth is that He cares about everything that concerns you, and He loves to hear you call upon His name! When you put Him first in everything you do, when you faithfully follow His commands, He’ll pour out an extra portion of His goodness and favor upon you! Remember, you are very special to God, and He hears you and answers you. It may not be in your timing or in the way you expected, but know that He always has your best interest at heart. He is working things out for your good, and He will always answer — sometimes before you even call! I felt like someone slapped me in the face. I had that are you kidding me right now look on my face. They took the words right out of my mouth. I have been praying about something and although the door has not fully opened there is a crack in it which I know is his doing and if it is for me then it will be for me. I continue to get the same messages over and over again and I was wondering why so I guess today he got tired of me asking and sent me an email confirmation. Until next time!!!

Sense of Peace

Some days are better than others and today is just not one of those days that I want to be bothered. I am just tired and ready for a break and not in the mood for talking and interacting. I have been praying and seeking God for some things in my life and for the first time in a long time I have a sense of peace about the direction that I am going. I no longer have questions or doubts or losing sleep or anything like that. When the desires of my heart aligned with the Word of God is when that sense of peace came. Just as long as I was losing sleep and stuff that is when I knew that I was not on the right path. Sometimes God will just let you sit there and come up with whatever it is YOU feel the need to come up with until you get it right. Then when you get it right he will let you know. See there were things and people that I had in my life that I needed to let go of before I could have the things in life that I wanted. I just had a problem with letting those people go but when I did I have no regrets and I do not look back. Some people talked too much and some didn't seem to talk enough but all in all the people who are in my life right now I love and cherish because I know they are supposed to be there. I have learned so many things about myself in the past few days but all in all those were things that I needed to know about me without talking to or being bothered with other people. I am good on the things that I want and need though and for once I finally feel like I am getting it right. Until next time!!!

Explosion

Some days I feel like my mind is going to explode. Some days I feel like I know too much and some I feel like I do not know enough. There has been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for a long time and I have asked God for guidance and I feel like he has finally given me an answer but I have no clue how to execute. Then out of all things I am contemplating going back to school again because I just do not have anything else better to do I guess plus I have a retirement plan and the doctoral degree will come in handy with that. I always feel like I need to have a life plan although nothing ever seems to work out the way I want it to but God has the best plan in the world for me and I think that I will stick with that one. Things always make sense in our mind but you know how that is. God says one thing and we are determined to do what we want until he shuts that down. I guess for me right now I have been doing a lot of praying and reading the Bible and keeping to myself. That is the best thing. I cloud my own mind with madness I do not need any help from anyone else because I have learned that people do not always have your best interest at heart so you might as well not even bother with telling them. Well I am going to go to bed and relax my mind. Tomorrow is a new day!!!!

Saying Goodbye

Why is saying goodbye so hard to do even when we know it is the right thing to do? There has been someone in my life that I should have let go a long time ago but I couldn't because we were always such close friends. When I say close I mean really close. I told this person everything and we went through so much together but there were just certain things about the situation that I knew were not right and I know that God is keeping my blessing because of it. I was told on three separate occasions by three different prophets that there was someone in my life that I needed to let go and in my heart I knew who it was but I was just not ready to say goodbye. There were just so many different things that were running through my head and my heart that I just did not know what to do until now. People are in your lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I can not have my lifetime person if I continue holding on to my seasonal person. They have fulfilled their purpose in my life and I am comfortable with moving on. I am at peace with my decision whereas I was not before. When you do the right thing God will give you a sense of peace and that is what I now have and I can move on in my life with a clean heart.

The Desires of Our Hearts

Now a friend of mine and I have been discussing things this week never really telling the other what was wrong but we seem to just be on the same page. She sent out an email this morning from Psalm 37 and I was also reading in Psalm 37 this morning too. Imagine that. Now on to what I was reading, was Psalm 37:4 which states Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart... Lets not all jump up and down because God does not just do what we want when we want him to you must read on. In the next verse, it says "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." On down in verse 7 it says "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently on him.... Now looky here. Here is where you have to do your part. You have to commit your way unto him and have faith in what you want. I was reading online on a Christian blog where a man was telling his story and the title of the blog was actually "The Desires of your Heart".. Ok God, I am getting it now. Anyway, he was having a disagreement with a friend of his because the friend told him that he wanted a son and that God was going to give him a son because that was the desire of his heart and the guy writing the blog was like don't make it sound so simple, well his friend Charles said that I desired a beautiful wife and I got one, I desired two beautiful daughters and was blessed with them, and then he said he desired a son and God would bless im with that also. Charles died before he could have a son. Now the guy writing the blog was like now it does say that in the Bible but you have to work too and do your part. His story was a beautiful one that made me think about my own life. a passage that stuck out to me was " God does mean what he says; when you commit your ways to hom he will give you the desires of your heart, and not desires that he suddenly places in your heart, but your deepest desires, desires that have been there all along, desires you may not even know are there, desires that have been buried so deeply that only God can see them." It made me think about my own life and some things that I desire. Yes I asked God for these things but then I jsut lost my faith because it seems like after I asked for them that things got worse and not better and I was so discouraged about it but for some odd reason that verse was on my heart today and the most important part is that Yes God does want me to have the desires of my heart but I can not feel defeated every time something does not happen the way I want it to right then you know. That is not showing my faith. I think today I am going to write a letter to God and place it next to that Bible verse so he can get an understanding of where I am coming from and what I am trying to accomplish. God reaches me on the web so I like to writ so I have to write to him from time to time. Love you guys...