His Lady

I have just have so many things on my mind lately from love to career. Sometimes I ask myself am I making the right decisions or am I going the wrong way... I have been reading this book by TD Jakes named His Lady and it covers some of everything that you could feel from anxiety to worrying and it gives you a scripture to go with it. Well this morning I was just emotionally all over the place and I got to the section of the book about "longing" and how we wait for things and how our minds just focus on that one thing so much that we lose sight of everything else. The verse that went with it was from Luke 11:9-10 and reads "And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks receives. Everyone who seeks, finds." And the door is always opened to evryone who knocks." Well I felt slapped in the face. Sometimes we can take a situation and just focus on it so much until it feels like our eyeballs are going to pop out of our head. I mean really. I am so glad that my relationship with God is so special that he knows just how to reach me and when to reach me. I could not sleep last night worrying about a situation and a certain aspect of my life but now I feel at peace because I know that God has placed what I need to do in my heart. Often times we lead with our minds and think we know everything and guess what.... We mess it up worse than what we did before but God always looks at our hearts and maybe it is time I pay a little mroe attention to what is in mine and focus on that and not what I think all the time. Textbooks prepare me for work but the Bible prepares me for life and maybe I should spend a little more time reading that than other things. I am finding out so many things about myself that I never knew before by just spending a little quality time with God.

Death

Death has seemed to attack my family this week. Two deaths in two days both sudden and tragic. It seems like a movie and then when the credits roll everything goes back to normal but undoubtedly the movie is still playing. Then on top of all of that a friend sent a prayer request email for a friend of hers who's mother is in the hospital and not doing all that well. I can only imagine what she feels like or what she is thinking or how her reactions are because I have never gone through anything like that with my mother. Generally a mother is the backbone of the family. The comforter, counselor, cook, maid, etc so how can one react and deal when the source of their being is now depending upon them for strength. My friend has lost both her mother and her father and from what I can tell they were great people because she has a beautiful spirit and has been a great friend to me but I know how big her heart is and that she is constantly reminded of her own loss when other situations strike that are close to her. There are really no words you can say to a person to make it all better or to ease the pain or stress. Sometimes it is like you just want to look up at God and throw your hands up and say what now. WE generally do not understand his motives until after the fact but still in the moment it is hard to stay faithful to the Word when everything seems to be going all wrong. The only thing I can offer to her right now is prayer that Gods will be done for her and her mother and that they have strength to endure whatever it is he decides and gives them a sense of peace over the decision. Love you guys!!!

The Wall

We had such a good time in church yesterday. I think this was one of the best times we ever had. Before the service started our pastor gave us an opportunity to write down the things we needed God to either change or bless us with in life like our financial situations, relationships, vehicles, house whatever it was on your heart that you need to tell God. Then we balled each item up individually and threw it at the Alter. You were officially leaving that problem to God to handle from that point on. Sometimes in life we build our own walls by constantly worrying and constantly trying to do things on our own. God does not want us to carry around our own burden. He wants us to give it to him for him to work it out for us. That is where we go wrong in life a lot of times. Always trying to do things on our own and messing it right up along the way. Yesterday, it was offical. No more talking or thinking about what is wrong in my life and trying to fix it on my own. I threw all of my needs at the alter for God to have because I know when he shows up it is going to be a mighty move because God has made some promises to me and just as long as I hold up my end of the bargain then it is all good. Until next time my people!!!

Time is Precious

Over the course of my life I have learned so many things. One important thing that I have learned is to appreciate time. My childhood best friend has been sick off and on since we were kids and the doctors have told her that she may not have long to live. Only God knows her destiny but I am not sad because she taught me that time is precious. It wasn’t until the last few months that this revelation has come full circle but you get the picture. Her boyfriend expressed to me a few months ago that he wanted to get married but was unsure if he was ready because he was not financially where he wanted to be. This morning he proposed. I had the pleasure of speaking to him about an hour or so after it happened and I asked why now. He simply said “Tomecca, I know that I want to be with her 20 years from now but with her illness I am unsure that I have 20 days left. I have taken so much of her precious time away from her through my own selfishness of not being ready all the while all she wanted from me is for me to love her and be with her and keep her safe.” He told me this morning he woke up and looked over at her and realized there was no place he would rather be and he knew she was “the one.” At that very moment, I realized that I may not have 2 weeks from now to tell someone that I love them or go on that fabulous vacation that I have always longed to go on. She has taught me to cherish every moment and treat it like it is my last. God has given me 31 precious years with her and I treasure each moment with her down to the Halloween we dressed up as hookers and actually stood outside on the corner in our neighborhood and passed out candy to the days we were living the carefree life thinking 30 years old was ancient and that we would be wrinkled by now. Little did we know. I really want to be selfish and ask God to let her stay with me but I know her body is weary and she is tired. Whether he lets her stay with me for 3 more days or 30 more years I am blessed that he allowed her to be a part of my life for as long as she has. They are getting married as soon as they can get the license and her father is going to marry them. I think that is the most precious thing in the world to look at someone and just know that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. This has been a subject that I have kept to myself and it is hard for me to talk about so I just used writing as my outlet because I told her I would not cry… Little does she know in the beginning when I found out I cried daily BUT I am okay now because every morning when I wake up she sends me a text of nothing but a picture of her smile so I can not cry when every morning I wake up looking at teeth and lips. LOL!! Have a good day!!!

God Knows Me All Too Well

I have been meditating and praying on some things in my life and for some odd reason I have been waking up at around 4:30 every morning but it has allowed me to have some quiet time with God. Some much needed quiet time at that. I have been seeking him for a few months and he has sent me various bible verses all pertaining to the things I have been praying about but today was different. When I get up I always read my Daily Bible Verse and my email from Joel Osteen. Now Joel Osteens message seems like it was written just for me today. The message was from Isaiah 65:24 and then he went into detail by saying: Have you ever thought about something you wanted or needed, and suddenly that need was supplied even before you had time to stop and pray? God knows your needs before you even speak them. He wants to provide for you and answer the very desires of your heart. Don’t ever think God is too busy to answer you. Don’t ever think your needs are too small or that you don’t matter. The truth is that He cares about everything that concerns you, and He loves to hear you call upon His name! When you put Him first in everything you do, when you faithfully follow His commands, He’ll pour out an extra portion of His goodness and favor upon you! Remember, you are very special to God, and He hears you and answers you. It may not be in your timing or in the way you expected, but know that He always has your best interest at heart. He is working things out for your good, and He will always answer — sometimes before you even call! I felt like someone slapped me in the face. I had that are you kidding me right now look on my face. They took the words right out of my mouth. I have been praying about something and although the door has not fully opened there is a crack in it which I know is his doing and if it is for me then it will be for me. I continue to get the same messages over and over again and I was wondering why so I guess today he got tired of me asking and sent me an email confirmation. Until next time!!!

Sense of Peace

Some days are better than others and today is just not one of those days that I want to be bothered. I am just tired and ready for a break and not in the mood for talking and interacting. I have been praying and seeking God for some things in my life and for the first time in a long time I have a sense of peace about the direction that I am going. I no longer have questions or doubts or losing sleep or anything like that. When the desires of my heart aligned with the Word of God is when that sense of peace came. Just as long as I was losing sleep and stuff that is when I knew that I was not on the right path. Sometimes God will just let you sit there and come up with whatever it is YOU feel the need to come up with until you get it right. Then when you get it right he will let you know. See there were things and people that I had in my life that I needed to let go of before I could have the things in life that I wanted. I just had a problem with letting those people go but when I did I have no regrets and I do not look back. Some people talked too much and some didn't seem to talk enough but all in all the people who are in my life right now I love and cherish because I know they are supposed to be there. I have learned so many things about myself in the past few days but all in all those were things that I needed to know about me without talking to or being bothered with other people. I am good on the things that I want and need though and for once I finally feel like I am getting it right. Until next time!!!

Explosion

Some days I feel like my mind is going to explode. Some days I feel like I know too much and some I feel like I do not know enough. There has been something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for a long time and I have asked God for guidance and I feel like he has finally given me an answer but I have no clue how to execute. Then out of all things I am contemplating going back to school again because I just do not have anything else better to do I guess plus I have a retirement plan and the doctoral degree will come in handy with that. I always feel like I need to have a life plan although nothing ever seems to work out the way I want it to but God has the best plan in the world for me and I think that I will stick with that one. Things always make sense in our mind but you know how that is. God says one thing and we are determined to do what we want until he shuts that down. I guess for me right now I have been doing a lot of praying and reading the Bible and keeping to myself. That is the best thing. I cloud my own mind with madness I do not need any help from anyone else because I have learned that people do not always have your best interest at heart so you might as well not even bother with telling them. Well I am going to go to bed and relax my mind. Tomorrow is a new day!!!!