Betrayal

There are times in your life where you just have to evaluate someone's role in your life. I have been back and forth with someone for years and once I finally got to a point where I could be friends with them, I was betrayed again. If there is one thing that I do not like is hearing information that I should hear directly from the source from another person. Not my deal. If I ask you to tell me the truth about something then just go ahead and tell me because if I hear it from someone else, it makes me look at you differently and at some point, I just can't recover from that. I had to make the decision to separate myself completely and just let go. Even though there was an apology, it didn't mean anything to me. There has just been so many lies told on their end I don't feel the need to decipher the truth. I can only go based on how I am feeling right now and that is betrayed. I guess when you put your trust and faith in a person and they do something to hurt you then you can just turn your emotions off. At least that is how it seemed to happen for me. I was no longer the person that was understanding. I was no longer the one that wanted to hear it. I was no longer the person that cared. I guess it is really true that a person can only take so much. I prayed about this situation for a long time and it was no longer sitting well in my spirit so I knew I just had to walk away from my friendship but I didn't know how. I guess the other nigth God put me in the position where I did not have another choice. I couldn't take it any more and no matter how many times the person said they were sorry it was the equivalent of dead silence to me. My heart was numb and closed. I didnt have it in me to continue but I knew it was the best decision I could have made because it would only continue to drag me down. Can I forgive? Of course I can, I have already done it but that doesn't mean that I have to continue something that is not good for me. I thought this would hurt me but it didn't. Instead I was angry. I yelled, I said things that I have pinned up inside for years, I screamed but one thing I didn't do was cry. I am a very sensitive person and when I am talking to you about something emotional and I can't cry about it anymore then I am done and that is just it. I had to learn at an early age that it is just best sometimes to let some people go and just leave it at that. My sanity means more to me than a dead end Friendship/relationship. Sad but true I guess. Until next time my friends.